Xion's Other Promise

I can't remember it anymore.
Something important to me.

The river of memories clotted,
Memories connected together -
If any should leak out of his protective sleep,
What havoc would it cause? Would it injure anyone's heart?
Would it confuse anyone?
Make her cry?
Who?

Me?

A crushing sadness for a heart I do not have -
My heart that's missing still feels like it's breaking.
I only want to stay together,
With the two of you, who mean so much to me.
You want me to return back with you,
To everyone else in Organization XIII.
They search for your hearts, not knowing where they are exactly
But only knowing fully this overwhelming sense of yearning, longing,
To find them and be whole.

But I look out into the distance, past the crashing waves along the shore,
Towards the setting sun on the horizon of a bleeding sky.
I hear a boy's name and speak of it from my lips, and when I close my eyes I see
A girl with a face like mine, with eyes like mine, with hair the same as mine.
Who am I? I want so desperately to know who I am, where I truly belong in the world.
The point, the meaning to my life that feels like just started not too long ago.
At the same time, I don't want to disappear; I don't want to fade away
In this search to find out the origin of my existence.
This existence that feels empty at times still has value to me.

I was scared, that on my own I would eventually have
To leave behind all those fun times we spent sitting on top of the clock tower,
Talking about trivial things that didn't matter, eating salty sweet ice cream bars,
Those times when we joked and laughed,
Making me think we could always be together, forever...

But not anymore.

I am deeply sorry, but I can't go home.
I'm not going back there to that fortress, to where everyone else is.
You don't see yet, you don't know anything, you don't understand -
There's this other promise I have made
To someone who I know is out there, someone who needs me desperately.
I know enough that this empty feeling in my chest is killing me,
Tearing me apart, separating me from you even though it's the one thing
I've never wanted to have happen between us.
That place I must go to -
That place isn't where you want me to be,
But I just can't go with you,
I just can't...
Roxas.

You look at me with those confused blue eyes
Which only held gazes of support to me when I was sad,
But now you stare at me in shock as I hold my weapon up to your kind face.
Your words, your actions, pleading me to come back home with you,
Are stopping me from leaving.
I can't even look at your face, but I think one day
You, too, will go down the same path as I have,
And you will go search for your true self on your own.



I look at you with these blue eyes of mine,
With this determination that has welled up inside me.
This mansion where you think no one lives in stands behind me,
With dark cold gates that block my way.
Think not of them as gates to shut me out,
But instead think of them for me as doors!
They invite me to all the answers I seek,
They will take me to where I belong now.
I understand that you've been desperately searching for me in many worlds,
Your eyes burning with an angered and broken fire as you see me now.
You shout at me, not hiding your disappointment or shame at me,
Flames erupting from your palms which reach out for me to still come back to you,
You vow then and there that no matter what happens,
No matter how many times I escape or run away from you,
You will bring me back!
You will take me back with you!
But my gaze towards you has never changed,
Unmoved, ready to fight against you for my rite of passage onwards through
Your words are that of a true friend, your strong words that you mean with
Your whole being that isn't really there.
But those words will not changes my ways,
Those words will not change my resolve,
Axel.

And one day, someday
You will fight just as hard
To bring Roxas back with you too.
He will follow in my footsteps, and realize how
Corrupt the Organization is,
That if he wishes to really find the answers he seeks,
He has to do it alone, away from our fortress.

There is no time,
No time to take, to lose,
The memories that overflowed
Have stopped completely.
Do you know what that means?
You must reach the core of the disaster, the trigger
That is stopping the progress,
And kill it.
But now I am here, I made it here. In this room,
A white room that is still empty of
Drawings of distant places, a distant past of yours
And mine,
Namine.

I'm ready to return to my true self now.
Whether or not if I will inevitably be erased from their memory,
The one thing I want the most, more than anything,
Is to meet that person, and fulfill a promise
I made one fateful day.
Even if I don't truly exist, I want to continue believing that I do!
Even if my memories are fake, I want to continue believing that they aren't!
I want to continue believing... that my existence isn't a lost cause.
That this important person is somewhere out there waiting,
Waiting for me to help him awaken from his long lost slumber.
I want to run to meet him if it was just once,
If it was at least my dying wish, if it could mean the best for everyone,
Even if it meant sacrificing everything I have known up until now,
Everything I have cherished up until now,
If it meant I could help everyone
No matter what expense,
No matter what
...Happens to me.