From Sarah

Maybe when we are older,
It will mean
Something much, much more
To you and to me
And it will last

…Through not the many days, weeks and months, but years.


The day I met you
I can hardly remember it
But I knew
I knew from the moment I saw you:
I would remember you
And become fond of you
Even for a while

Back then
I didn’t know you very well
And even now
You are still a mystery to me

To think –
I’ve seen you so often now
I’ve talked to you so often now
It’s like a dream come true
I never would have guessed
That I would be so involved
With someone like you

At times I would miss you
And wallow in your absence
Wishing you would
At least search for me
Even just a little
So I could tell you I was there
Waiting, waiting for you to come save me
To take away
This pain in my chest
The loneliness I feel
Whenever you weren’t around

But although I had gone through so much
I was another person before your eyes
And without knowing it
I put a lid on my feelings
And thought about you all the time
To the point where
I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore

I wanted to reach out to you
To the person I barely know
But I couldn’t
I wanted to “meet” you
You, a person I barely know
But I wouldn’t say it

…Because…I am person you barely know too.


Maybe when we are older
I will have more courage
To face my fears
To make things complicated
Even though it’s not what I want
Even though it’s the one thing I want to avoid most

This night is uncertain
The next morning is full of doubt
One day I may not want to face it
But maybe next week I will
Maybe after months
Maybe after years
I will want to finally let it go

Maybe when we are older
I can look at you in the eye
And we can both agree:
We had never “met” each other

…And we have never “met” each other even now.


Time will go onwards
Towards a future that
Is not for me to say
And you and I may both change
And we may not even recognize each other

But I believe
That when that happens
We will at least feel something
We will at least have something
To look back on and remember
There is not a doubt in my mind
That meeting each other
Was ever meaningless

Someday
When we are different
When just things are different

…Maybe then, we can finally “meet” each other.


When all that
Is but a
Fragment in our memories
When they may not be so clear to you
When they may not mean anything to you
I will remember in your place
Those memories
Because by then
It won’t mean
Anything
Anything to me
Any longer

Maybe when we are older
You will have thought about it more
The things I said
The things I did
How I wanted to live
And it will mean something to you
It could be something
You could admire
Even appreciate

...Even should I inevitably exist…on the brink of your memory.


However you may feel
However you may think of me
That could never change the ways
I looked at you
Every smile and every laugh
All the things we did and had
They all stay with me
They will stay with me
Even until the very end

You may not know me
You may not even know how to doubt me
How to trust me
But I will take everything
I will take all that you’ve given me
And bring it along to
Any path I try to carve out for myself

Because it is the bond
That you and I shared
Although it may not be as significant to you
It is something I shall treasure
Something I will remember
Even for a little while

I couldn’t have asked for more
Than to be with you
To speak to you
Like we’ve known each another for so long
No matter how different our feelings may seem
I do not want to know
I can long for something more
But you can still give me something
That will continue to give me
A reason to smile
The warmth you shared was

…Enough to fill the empty space you left behind.


Maybe when we are older
I will tell you all this in a way
In which I will really, truly mean it

When you smiled
When you were just there
In my life
Going as quick as you came
You, a fleeting dream
That would last

I want to say
That this feeling is
One that I will never forget
All the times I spent with you
The moments we shared
Even if I grow old
And forget your face
They will always sustain
Throughout the years

The one thing I’ve wanted you to know
The one thing I’ve wanted you to hear

When it hasn’t been days, not weeks and not months, but years

I’ll open that door, that lid
And I will search for you
Even for a while
..Those many years…

I’ll tell you everything
…When all I did was watch you…

So I can finally, truly tell you
…All that time I had wished…

How I really feel.
…So, so much from you.

“Thank you.”

And then maybe…after that… it’ll be what forever really means.


-made March 21, 2007
                  To David