In the silence of the night, I listen quietly to
The sounds of a distant piano echoing in my ears
Echoing poignantly and profoundly,
Calling out the unreachable voices whispering from my heart,
The angel of my house, a little girl from years before
Still alive within me, recalling that which was thrown away
Turning, swiveling, quietly tip-toeing
To the faint and quiet notes of the piano's cold white keys.
Recognizing contently, remembering sweetly,
That a song heard so calmly and serenely issues forth
Freely flowing, private, secret
Hidden and cherished thoughts.
The ripples of purple silks and flags, beat strongly against the night winds
Coordinated within the darkness of a late night;
It was a performance I was once a part of,
That we were a part of,
When we stood under the same night sky.
My dear, I smiled fondly and recalled those certainly pleasant days
When I walked blindly in my love for you
In my devotion to my group, feeling no such confidence as before
As to whom I chose to belong, to whom my devotions were solely made
But endlessly I walked after you, following you with my eyes
Calling you with my heart.
Wishing for your recognition whence I slept,
Where in my visions you passed by me fleetingly and whimsically
As your presence is just as nonexistent in my daily life.
And knowingly tangible within my unconscious,
My world of idealistic wishes and unachievable desires -
You confused me with your earnest smiles and sarcastic grins, continuing
Forth the dream which I had built around you for myself.
Your arms were once wrapped around my own in such a loving manner,
But they did not intend any love
For me to take forever.
And like a dream you disappeared rather suddenly, yet
You never intended to promise or reassure
Me of anything, nor order me to do anything, not even to say:
"Stay with me always, cherish me forever in your thoughts;
Keep me embedded in all that you do and all that you want."
Whilst am I holding desperately onto that concept?
Onto your presence which was most poignant in my life
I had only wished for time to be kinder to me, to take all of your time,
And spend it so that all of it would be spent with me.
Being with you, talking every morning on that bench which I claim is ours,
We watched the sun shine blindingly behind the palm trees,
The chilly morning air kissing against the thousands
Of cute little pebbles which lay around us.
I had only wished for you to always
Save those affectionate expressions for me and no other,
That I could always learn more about you and never stop learning.
That I could keep falling in love with you, could keep watching you with my eyes
And never stop watching you. To never be torn from you,
And instead be forever tied to you,
In my memory and my life.
And so, I remembered all that I could about you, rendering myself so that
I could never forget all that you had meant to me,
And for which then you would be embedded in my words
And into my thoughts, in everything that I wanted to have
And wanted to do.
When I remembered the sound of your voice saying my name,
You called out the little girl I once was, the little girl you once knew and still know,
Back to life, from the recesses of my memory.
From which I write these letters but never send, I still am hoping
That these words will somehow
Will be read by you and no other.
Looking towards a blinding sky, I remember when she - that little girl - and you,
Both stood under a morning sun.
When the two of you asked questions, said things with childish resolve
Were together because that was how you found yourselves,
Killing time with your pointless conversations which were about nothing,
Repeating the same topics because you could think of no other
Asking silly questions and never asking what you meant to each other,
How you felt about each other, but standing in your presence
Subtly breathing in the scent of fresh morning air.
That was us.
Walking side by side under the streetlights,
With no one else but each other,
Not in love but in the same place at the right time
Never asking each other for anything, never saying things out of spite
But just being together, watching the sun rise
Growing up as the years went on and now we can barely recognize each other;
Wondering if we could have been or should have been together
Seeing how much we've changed but never wanting to accept it,
But just knowing this strange impulse to move forward and continue living
To work towards becoming adults in our separate paths, our separate ways,
Looking back occasionally but never asking for each other's consent or opinion
How to run our life or whether it is right that we do as we please
Standing across from each other a mile away, standing on a broken bridge
That separates us and our thoughts but which never tears them,
Even when our hearts mature separately.
Wondering if someday, we could watch that morning sun again
Walking as we always had without any desire for anything - not even each other,
But just spending time together and laughing cheerfully
Grinning nonchalantly at our silly and bewildered faces,
When we were so young and naïve, not giving a care,
Wrapping ourselves in hugs silenced by the rustling of palm tree leaves
And the benign caresses of a morning breeze.
Not knowing if we could be connected in the uncertain future,
But remembering only, reminiscently,
That we were once there,