I Love You.

I'm going to tell you tomorrow, or the day after that
Perhaps even years from now
I will bring myself to do it

This feeling overwhelming me – that I keep to myself
This anxiety that will never go away
This nervousness that makes my heart pound
Everytime I walk among a crowd, even with my friends
I look for you, knowing I shouldn't
I mustn't look for you anymore for the better of me
It is for the better of me that I never see you
Out of sight out of mind?
If someone asked me to point you out among a crowd
I'd find you
I always would

You control my day without even talking to me,
And 'tis not your fault 'tis mine
I will not become dependant of you
You cannot support me, for your
Expectations are so low and you seem to care so little
For me, for my wellbeing
You treat me as anyone else and nonetheless
It is enough for me to smile
But that is a smile I must learn to live without;
Speaking to you only makes me yearn
To converse with you even more
I do not want to monopolize your time for my selfish reasons
I want you to need me, to need me to talk to you
But you do not ask for such a thing
You do not ask for anything
You told me there is no reason
To feel as though I cannot talk to you
You told me
That if there's ever something I want to tell you badly
I should just say it, no matter how hypocritical it seems
Your advice is kind, I know
But I mustn't be so willing to you
I mustn't allow myself to be drawn to you even if it makes me happy
I must learn to be independent, to grow up without you!
Because you are my vice
You represent temptation
It is so tempting to go single you out among everyone
And hold you close to me
No.
I will tell you that myself
One day.
That I don't know what to do
I don't want to lean on you,
But I get so sad
When I'm not with you
And it's not your fault at all
It's all mine…

And when I write all this,
When I stand in front of you as you look at me
Asking me what's wrong
I realize how little my worries seem
How insignificant and nothing they are
And I finally feel calmed by your presence realizing

There's really nothing wrong.

There's nothing wrong with talking to you
If I'm lonely or not
There's nothing wrong with hugging you
When I want to badly
But there is something wrong
With looking forward to seeing you and I feel anguished
Because you didn't come
There is something wrong
When I look forward to something that won't happen
When I hope with all my heart that you will give
Some sort of hidden promise
That you will want me
When I know you really don't

You wander.
You go wherever, you said
You don't know, you told me, you really don't know
You go wherever… and wherever that place is
It is a place remote from me, far away from me
It feels like you're growing farther away in the distance
When I can't hold you back and make you stay with me
Clutching on your arm, hoping you will want to be with me more
But I can't
I bite my lip hearing how life doesn't work this way

I wish my dream world would become my real world
I wish you would be the person I want you to be
I wonder why, I can't seem to get over you
And I don't think I want to
What would happen if you felt this way towards me?
What a tragic love we would be – I don't think I would choose
The same path as you
For a road with you must be filled
With hardships I can't take
I can't be with you
We can't be happy together
Despite that I know that, goodness…
I'm still veiling my hidden smile, giggling
When I think that
I'll always be in love with you, no matter
How old I get, or how much you change
I will always, always love you
For the boy you once were

And one day, I will tell you that.
That I will always, always love you.